So, I thought I would be writing about the time I spent $30 to meet Amy Schumer, but instead I want to tell you about my first time…My first time doing drag.
Bet you thought I was going to tell you about my real “first time.” We will keep that a mystery.
I was little buzzed after my performance with The Real Ben Ross, so naturally I almost got a tattoo on my ass with my friend’s boyfriend. My mom probably would’ve approved of that…
But some voice of reason talked me out of it.
It will most likely happen at some point.
I’m also chaffed from dancing in jeans. #thunderthighprobz
We spent about a week rehearsing our roles as Danny and Sandy.
It took me about sixty seconds to get into my role as John Travolta considering that in my early twenties, my metabolism decided to shut down and my body decided I needed facial hair. I probably looked more like the current day John Travolta than the one in Grease.
And as I type this with my tits, I’ve always felt I had too much personality to have a job where I just sit behind a computer. So, here I am working 9 to 5…sitting behind a computer. Gaining weight and making up my own games with the software at work so things can be more interesting.
I thought that moving to a big city would make me skinnier, because I would be walking everywhere. But no instead, it’s making me fatter and lazier. I can even order groceries or Chipotle right to my door (she says with a mouth full of burrito).
And as I’m gazing out the bus window thinking about our performance last night and what it would be like to have a lot of money, I notice that there is a naked man standing in his window. You do you boo but if you’re trying to flaunt it, I’m going to need binoculars to see that garden snake.
Then right as I get off the bus, still singing “You’re The One That I Want” in my head and realizing that I definitely looked like the lesbian from the Orange is the New Black, I trip on a flat surface.
Yep. Still livin’ on a prayer.