My fantasy

Literally, I was waiting at the bus stop this morning freezing my nips off, probably could have etched my name in a glass window.

I was also day dreaming that Brett Eldredge was my boyfriend. #Icouldbedrunkonyourlove #celebritycrush … I may live in a fantasy world.

My little cousin truly believes that Brett Eldredge is my boyfriend, but she also has pretend boyfriends herself. They travel everywhere with her, even to the doctor’s office. They were at Christmas.

But, do you see what I mean?

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My aunt gave me the sex talk once. All she said was, “A girl can always hide a wet panty.”

I was 15.

This is when I wish I was a Victoria Secret model.

Speaking of Victoria’s Secret, I keep encountering the wire in your bra. I can’t afford to keep buying them. You know what I’m talking about. Don’t act like you’ve never had a wire bust through the seams and start poking your under teet. Or is that just busty girl probz?

One of the reasons why I don’t jog, I will get a black eye. I basically carry around two newborn babies everyday.

Random thought: the song “Work” by Rihanna just came on my Pandora, I wonder how long it took her to write that song? Whatever, I’m still listening to it.

Whenever my mom calls me or somebody important, instead of saying, “hello,”  I say, “Talk dirty to me.” She never does.

Thoughts of the day: They told me I couldn’t, so I did. Don’t ever let someone tell you,you can’t do something. If you find what you want to do with your life, go after it.

Random story: I once was the designated driver (I know what you’re thinking. Bree the designated driver? Well, this was before I had met Jose Cuervo. My real boyfriend.)

And yes, this was the night I got pulled over sober and failed a sobriety test because I was so nervous. I couldn’t walk a straight line. My one friend was puking. I was about to shit my pants. Because my friends are smart and had a DD, the cop let us off the hook.  However, the cop did not entirely let us off the hook because I got a ticket for crossing the center line.

WTF, I didn’t even know that existed and we were on a country road. THERE ARE NO LINES ON A COUNTRY ROAD.

Moral of the story: Be smart if you are drinking. Call someone to pick you up. Yes, it’s embarrassing, believe me I’ve been there. I had to call my grandpa to come pick me up, and I can only imagine what I said to him in the car. We will leave that a mystery.

Be safe. Be smart. Never venture off. Use the buddy system. Just like we learned in D.A.R.E.

 

Thank you to the men and women who risk their lives to protect us.

Officer Bree, over and out.

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I bought this for my bus ride home tomorrow. But Bree you’re not yourself when you’re hungry? (P.S. It’s not going to make it to the bus ride.)

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